More Upbeat

So the first two blogs I posted were kind of cranky and depressing, so I thought I need to upbeat the tempo a little.
I am amazed everyday how funny my children are. The honesty of the thoughts and expressions of how they are feel, is sometimes shocking, but in a way refreshing.
To live you life thru the eyes of you children is a truly wonderful thing!
My 4yr old had a doctor's appointment last week, her 4yr well child exam. On the way home is was trying to show me the stickers she had gotten, "for being such a great patient". She kept saying, "Mom look at this one, it has a butterfly" and "Mom look this one has a birdie".
So after about three times of me turning around to look at her in the backseat and try to drive at the same time. I said "Honey I have to watch the road now, Momma can't turn around anymore". She replied, "Is it cause you don't want to hit anybody?" I said yes. "And you don't want to get in trouble by a policeman?" I said yes. "And you don't want to go to jail?" I said yes, that's right. She said "But Momma, they feed you there", "But you don't get a lot of drinkies"
That just cracked me up. She has told me before, when she was three, that my shoes didn't match my pants. And she said "Momma, are you going to wear those pants to work?"
Can you imagine a three year old saying that? Anyway I could go on for pages about the things my children have said!
Ang

my babies

Ugh!! So Frustrating!

So I was browsing tonight in blogs located on blogspot and found some very frustrating blogs. I was searching blogs about fibromyalgia.
The part that was frustrating is that there was blogs basically denouncing fibromyalgia. Stating that is all in people's heads and how they leach off the government and how they are always requesting pain meds. And what was the most interesting points is that, most of them were written by medical professionals!! The people that SHOULD know better. To generalize that way is ludicrous. I have fibromyalgia, I work 40hrs a week. I receive no money from the government whatsoever, Yes I have pain everyday of my life. But I'm not a drug seeker. I work in a medical office and I know how drug seeking behaviour is perceived. So I have hardly asked for anything for pain (twice in the past year...and yes I only got a 30 day supply), for fear that people would perceive me the exact way that was described in those blogs. The nurses and doctors at my work know that I'm not a drug seeker, but still the fear of that stigma is there. And I guess with good reason.
Can you possibly imagine having pain every single day of your life? Do people realize that at some point EVERYDAY, every part of my body hurts. Every single part of my body. Can you possible even come close to imagining what that is like.
It's unfortunate that people can stand on the other side of the fence and judge how someone is feeling, because they are a judgemental a**hole. It must be nice to be "holier than thou".
Ang

Today

Have you ever felt tired of being tired?? Actually in my case I don't think even tired is an appropriate enough word. Exhausted doesn't even do it! I wish sometimes that I would have had a crystal ball about three-four years ago. I have three children. Son (5), Daughter (4) and Daughter (2).
Now back to the crystal ball, I think that if I had known that I would develop all these health problems that I currently have, maybe I wouldn't have had three children or maybe had them, but not so close together. But then instantly I feel extremely guilty. I feel guilty because I realize that I wouldn't have my three babies that I love so much.
I have a demyelinating disease of the brain and fibromyalgia (among many more...IBS, Raynard's..and the list goes on).
One of my big obstacles is that the demyelinating disease and the fibro symptoms can be very similar, so it's hard to know which one is causes my symptoms.
So from one of them I experience daily "exhaustion" (still not a good enough word!!). Exhaustion so bad that when I try to cut up my children's food, my muscles burn in my arms, the burning pain you get while exercising. I have to pause, wait and start again.
How pathetic that must sound, But it's the reality of my life!
My husband and I work opposite shifts at our jobs, which is awesome for keeping daycare costs done, but is not helpful for me. I work M-F- 8-5pm and he works M, W, Sat and Sun. So I never get a break....ever!! Everyone at work is like Hey!, it's Friday. I'm secretly thinking....hmmm, which is more exhausting...being at work or taking care of my children.
We are not by any means in a financial position to hire someone to help me. We live in a small town, so there is no other jobs for my husband, that would give him the opportunity to be home on the weekends.
So back to my original statement. Have you ever being tired of being tired?
Every weekend, I don't allow myself to sit down. Because if I sit down, I'm afraid I will fall asleep and my children would be unattended. So Saturday and Sunday, I work and keep myself busy all weekend long. How sad is that?
I have no idea what the possible resolution for my.....("what word could I use?") life..?? would be. I wonder how long can I possibly do this? See that crystal ball would come in handy again!
Well I believe that my children are dismantling my house as we speak, so I must go for now.
Ang